Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
