It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
