it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
