I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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