Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
