Can Purell be used as lube?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
