Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
