Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize