As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
