just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
