I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
