A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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