Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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