Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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