I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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