u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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