I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
