she was so not down for the gang bang
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
