Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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