i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
