i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
