How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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