i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
