so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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