Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
