the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
