How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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