yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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