I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
