Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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