i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
soo... how was my night?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
