Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
