and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
