An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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