im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
