Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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