i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
