Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Randomize
