Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
