i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
