don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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