i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
