Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
