so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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