Please, let me fuck your mom
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
