Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
