We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
