just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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