I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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