I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
