I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
