apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
