So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
