I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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