it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
