dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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