I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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