officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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