I think I am morally bankrupt
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
