WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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