when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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