She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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