my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize