I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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