You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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