Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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