I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
