its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
smell my finger.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
