I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
