Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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